My hope is that all five senses will be tested within the first 30 minutes upon my arrival at the MGM Grand.
Sight: What I want to see in the first hour is Mike Eddy -- who I believe is the only bachelor party attendee who gets to Vegas before me -- sitting at a three-card poker table with more chips sitting in front of him than with which he started.
Hear: Though his attendance is doubtful, the first thing I want to hear in Vegas is my dad yelling, "Hit, I said!" If that can't happen, than I'll take the cover band version -- Brian Kenneally saying the same exact thing, in the same exact voice. His Mike Forde Sr. impression's solid.
Smell: Here's my game plan after I helicopter my bag onto my hotel room bed. I immediately leave said room, and return from whence I came. Find the first affordable blackjack table, sit my ass down, and spark up my first cigar. The smell of a freshly lit cigar. Nice.
Taste: An OBON (Official Beer of NASCAR, Coors Light) will soon follow. It better, anyway.
Feel: Of course, second grade teachers told us the "feel" sense was what you did with your fingers. I'm going with the other way, which I know isn't part of the five senses. My guess, is that if I get the first four -- seeing Mike up big, hearing my dad or Brian yell "I said", smoking a cigar, drinking a Coors Light -- I'll feel pretty darn happy.
Snake eyes -- a two -- on the first craps roll is bad. But the snake eyes position in the batting order? Very good. Vital, even.
Batting second...
Adam Muhsen
Height: 6'0
Weight: 185
Hometown: Queens, NY
Drafted: 1,456th Round, (at) Scruffy Duffy's
Scout's Take (How Forde Knows Him): Adam is in rarefied friendship air. Here's why: I only know Adam through college classmate and friend Christine Patino. The two dated for 17 years, before a prolonged breaking up spanning from Spring 2007 until September of last year. Pick a sports cliche: this put him behind the eight ball; it was a big handicap; he was a man down; it was September, and he wore a Mets jersey. All are apt. It's not that I don't like a friend-in-law, it's that I don't care to like them (especially when it's a boyfriend-in-law). But somehow Adam broke down that wall. He made the near-impossible transition from "Christine's boyfriend" to "my buddy, Adam." Oh, and when a boyfriend-in-law breaks up with the reason you know him in the first place, that's it. Nice knowing you. Thanks for playing. But not Adam. He's in. Thank goodness, too. A NYC Saturday night is now incomplete without him. Awesome dude.
Strenghts: Naming the No. 2 hitter was a tough one at first. Then I thought about the qualifications. Mostly, he needs to have good fundamentals. So I went down the remaining list of bachelor party attendees, and tried to figure out who has good fundamentals. And I came to this realization: All my close friends are A) drunks, B) gambling addicts C) head cases or D) a combination of all three. Not that there's anything wrong with that. So am I. A shrink would have a field day with this group (except that seven 0f the starting eight are Irish, so we'll refuse to see a shrink until the day we die...as it should be.). The one non-Irish in the group is Adam, who just so happens to have his shit together. He teaches special needs kids. Not only does he own good fundamentals, he dispenses them to the less fortunate. He's like the catcher who announcers predict will be a manager one day...He's a bulldog, also necessary for the No. 2 hole...Spent his career fighting off pitches (by pitches, I mean Christine's A+ relentless fight techniques), works the count...Sneaky speed. He'll go from BS'ing with the boys to chatting up the hottest girl in the bar before you know what happened.
Weakness: Poor choice in uniforms. As you can see from the photo, Adam has a propensity to wear jean shorts -- jorts. There are only two reasons to wear jorts: A) You're rooting for the Florida Gators; or B) You lost a bet.
I'm completely mellow, what are you talking about?? Shenanigans!!! ;)
ReplyDelete